How to Draw a Turkey

Hello dear reader. And a Happy Thanksgiving to you as well.

When the leaves turn and make their mournful journey from twig to earth, softly fluttering like a mad heart to drop with a somber whisper to the loam, we mortals are reminded of our tenuous grasp on life, and we turn to the glowing warmth of arts and crafts.

In this installment, we demonstrate how to make a simple drawing of the majestic North American wild turkey, Meleagris gallopavo. This is such a simple exercise that we can all join along.

First, take a pencil and paper. Do you have the required supplies? Good.

Now, place your palm against the paper and trace the outside of your hand. When you are finished, your drawing should look like this:

Got it? Very good. We are all doing very well with this simple excercise.

Now, take a long, straight and genuine look at this page. Gaze deep. Become familiar with all the intricacies of your primate hand. This is the hand you will use to kill the turkey.

Next step: kill a turkey. Walk outside into the crisp November air, heart pounding, breath coming in short, foggy bursts. Grasp the turkey standing before you by the neck. Take the hand you made that nice drawing of and with a quick twisting motion sever the vertebrae just below the skull. Breathe.

Killed the turkey? Great work. Now take the turkey back inside and draw the turkey.

When you're done, you should have a drawing that looks something like this:

Great work everyone! Please tune in again in December when we make snowmen out of cotton puffs. Adieu, dear friends.