I cannot possibly conceive of a movie ever being created that is better than Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. I have tried and tried to conceive of such a thing, but really, what could a movie possibly present to me that would cause me to say: "This movie is better than Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark?" Adventure? Indy has that. Romance? Indiana's got that as well. Witty dialogue? Jones has that too. Edge-of-your-seat excitement? Chalk another one up for Dr. Jones. At this time I would like to reiterate that, even conceptually, the very idea of a movie being better than Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark is entirely inconceivable to me.

Let's compare Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark to another movie that is considered "great"; something like Schindler's List. Is Schindler's List great? Only if you like movies that make you sad, because this is all this movie does. Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, by contrast, does not make you sad. Also, the main goal of the characters in Schindler's List (thwarting the Nazi's) is the same goal of the characters in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, only Indy and company succeed in this goal without making you sad. If you disagree with me, ask yourself this question: Do you like being sad all the time? If the answer is "yes," then you are wrong. Also, another question to think about is this: In Schindler's List, how many Nazis get their faces melted by the power of God as punishment for tampering with the treasures of His people? Certainly less than in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. By refusing to show such a historically important act of anti-Nazism, the director of Schindler's List is tacitly supporting the Nazis and what they stood for. The fact that the director of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark had the courage to take such an anti-Nazi stance shows that he is a better person.

In conclusion, I have shown, using logic, that the idea that any movie could possibly be made that is in some way superior to Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark is the most preposterous assertion I have ever heard. Q.E.D.