The History of the Sherpa

70,000 B.C.
Mountains invented by Thog Sherpa.

35,987 B.C.
Thog's descendant, Grak Sherpa, dies in the first ever mountain climbing expedition. Grak's mission is heralded as a success.

35,983 B.C.
The word for "the opposite of success" is invented. Grak's expedition is now universally referred to as a failure.

35,977 B.C.
Thog's brother, Robert, successfully leads a mountain climbing expedition. Robert's success brings glory to the Sherpa name.

31 A.D.
After 45 minutes of Jesus of Nazareth's unsuccessful "Sermon on the Ground" several Sherpas save the future of Christianity by leading the carpenter up a small mountain. These Sherpas are later crucified.

312 A.D.
On the eve of battle with the armies of Maxentius, future Emperor Constantine plans on putting a picture of a skull with a knife through its head on his soldiers' shields until a Sherpa leads him up a mountain where he beholds a burning cross in the sky. After the battle, supporters of the skull/knife design crucify the Sherpa.

1336 A.D.
Sherpa Enlightenment begins. Over the next few centuries tremendous progress is made in mountain climbing, expedition leading, and thin-air breathing.

1997 A.D.
Sherpas begin leading lucrative expeditions up eMountains. As a result, thousands of people seeking to make an easy fortune become Sherpas; however, most end up penniless save a few worthless shares of stock in

2026 A.D.
Advances in robotics and artificial intelligence create the RoboSherpa, rendering all remaining natural Sherpas obsolete. Sherpas who refuse to submit to their mechanical overlords are crucified.